


I'll Be Your Remedy (When The Night Keeps You From Sleeping)

by C_D_M_214



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Clexa hug, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Clexa Relationship, F/F, Mild Smut, No Season 3, One Shot, Polis, Post-2x16, and a bit smut:), but don't worry, but happy, is super FLUFF really, slightly angst guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-19
Updated: 2016-01-19
Packaged: 2018-05-15 01:16:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5766400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/C_D_M_214/pseuds/C_D_M_214
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke has lived in Polis for months now. Lexa has helped and is helping her healing but when duty calls all comes to the surface again. Soon Clarke realizes that she needs Lexa more than she initially thought. (Which honestly it's more than fine for her)</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll Be Your Remedy (When The Night Keeps You From Sleeping)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello people :)  
> This is my first story in this fandom (and ever) but I must say that I'm quite proud of it. I've started writing it before the S3 trailers aired so it's canon only until the months Clarke spends in the woods.  
>   
> There is the "Wanheda" thing and Niylah still happened but after that, in my head, Clarke goes to Polis by herself. There is no Roan, no Ice Nation and all the A.L.I.E. sh**. Also I mention the "New Coalition" which basically is the same coalition we know from the show but, as you all imagine, Skaikru is the 13th clan.  
>   
> Some parts are a bit Smut (not really) and Angst-y but the majority is Fluff. However I wrote this basically because I needed it after S2 finale but now it's become a way to cope with everything that has been the flop-dread in general so believe me when I say that it's happy ending and it's just what we all need.  
>   
> Last thing: English is not my first language so I'm really sorry for all the mistakes that this story will have. I know they might disturb the reading but I can't do better than this.  
> Enjoy it :)  
>   
> P.S.  
> The title is from the song "Remedy" by Adele. The whole song is basically Lexa at Clarke and it's perfect for this fic.

She heard the noise from outside raise. First it was a messy sound but then Clarke recognized some words. The inhabitants of Polis were shouting:

**Heda!**

**Heda!**

**Mounin houm!**

_Welcome home!_

The blonde rushed out of the infirmary, leaving behind a puzzled Nyko. She looked around searching for the familiar green eyes and when she saw them it was like the noise ceased instantly.

Two weeks were definitely too many to spend apart.  

She spotted Lexa on her horse, head up and a rigid posture: it was like there was a regal aura around her. Clarke swore she felt the bumping of her heart increase quickly in her hears and when her gaze was met with one as strong as hers (like they were not in the main street of Polis, surrounded by hundreds of **Trikru** ), its intensity brought back a memory of almost four months before.

_Clarke felt the change slowly and then all at once._

_The Commander’s face stopped bringing back the cold and the pain she felt when anything she saw was only her back walking away from the Mountain, away from her friends who were still trapped, away from_ her _. Those green eyes stopped bringing back painful images of hundreds of burned bodies._

 _Clarke had forgiven Lexa ages ago. She understood why Lexa had betrayed her, she knew she had no choice and from what Lexa had said her she knew that if she wasn’t the **Heda**_ _of the twelve clans, if she was just Lexa, she would have never abandoned her._

_She tried to think otherwise but she was deeply sure she would have done the exact same thing: the safety of her friend came before the alliance with the **Trikru**. She would have done it without a second thought._

_Clarke knew all of that but she couldn’t help herself and whenever she saw Lexa, flashes of images passed behind her eyes, reminding her of what she had done to keep her people safe._

_Partially because of Lexa’s choice._

_In the last months Clarke had never thought about what happened in Lexa’s tent nearly nine months before but now that face was like a magnet to her, always bringing her closer, and those eyes made Clarke feel warm inside._

_Safety was something Clarke lacked since she first landed on Earth but watching in Lexa’s intense green eyes she felt safe and at home, something she had never experienced. Even before being locked away, the Ark was like an enormous prison for her and she didn’t feel at home._

_So now Clarke was a walking mess._

_She was excited at the prospect to go hunting with Lexa every morning but whenever she was around the Commander she acted weirdly because she had to manage to stop staring at Lexa while holding the bow, aim and try to change the right thoughts into words and it was much more difficult than she had expected._

_One evening, after the usual council with the leaders of the twelve clans, Clarke found herself outside the council tent. The guards eyed her as she took a long breath, trying to calm her nerves, and she moved the flaps aside, slipping inside the tent._

_Lexa sat at her throne deep in thoughts, holding the dagger like the first time she saw her. Hearing the rumor of steps inside the tent the Commander raised her gaze and seeing Clarke she got up and she took a couple of steps forward._

_By the look of her eyes Clarke knew that all the attempts to hide her anxiety failed miserably._

_“Clarke?” Lexa nervous voice filled the air._

_“I… Lexa I…” Clarke opened her mouth many times, trying to say something, but the difficult part was that she didn’t even know what she wanted to say._

_“Clarke are you okay? Are there any problems?”_

_Lexa herself wasn’t helping. With her wide eyes full of concern Clarke found hard to concentrate so she closed hers, trying to gather her thoughts._

_“Lexa I-I need to tell you something.”_

_“Clarke if there's something wrong you can tell me.” Lexa didn't let her finish._

_“I’ll do anything in my power to help you. You just have to speak. Are there any problems with anyone? Has anybody said something to you? Jakson? Indra? Arigo? Maybe Legoi or Kertes?”_

_With that Clarke’s eyes snapped open. It was true, she couldn’t believe that Lexa thought there were problems with anyone (even Indra was starting to tolerate her), but she was mostly surprised by the fact that Lexa doubted of Legoi and Kertes. She was happy that the two of them were her guards, they were fun and nice **Trikru** and she liked them. _

_Lexa misunderstood Clarke’s actions and went on Commander-mode, her rigid posture and clenched fists gave-away her anger._

_“I knew it. I should have chosen someone with more experience. Someone who knows how you deserve to be treated. **Branwoda**. I swear I'll search them and when I fin-“_

_“_ **_Shof op Leksa_ ** _.”_

_With that Lexa’s mask broke and her eyes widened with disbelief. But Clarke didn’t care. She needed to do the most important conversation of her life and she needed to find the right words and with Lexa talking about other crazy things it was quite impossible. She lowered her gaze and she started talking with her boots._

_“Since I was on the Ark my life has always been full of things I wanted but I couldn’t have. I wanted to save my father but I couldn’t. I wanted to visit Earth but I couldn’t. And when I did it was like a lab rat. I wanted to save my relationship with Wells but I couldn’t because he died. I wanted to keep all of my friends safe but I couldn’t.”_

_By now she had started gesturing with her hands but despite the nervousness she was proud of herself because she was sure she could continue with her speech without dropping to the floor and becoming a crying mess._

_“I wanted to save Anya and Finn but I couldn’t. I wanted to save the people of TonDC but I couldn’t. I wanted to spare Bellamy from going inside Mount Whether but it was necessary. I wanted to free my friends without killing anymore people but I couldn’t.”_

_“I know that most of the time it wasn’t my fault or I had no choice. My brain knows it. But I feel like I’ve always put everything I have in the things I wanted to do and I remained, time after time, with only pain, guilt and more blood on my hands. All the people that were mad at me after every decision I made surely didn’t help. There weren’t right answers. There were lots of decision but the solutions were all wrong and I felt that whichever I chose I would hurt and disappoint most, if not all, of the people I cared about. In the end I stopped wanting things so they couldn’t hurt me in the end.”_

_Clarke took a deep breath. It felt good to finally say everything that had been spinning in her mind since forever._

_“If you remember, outside the mountain, after you asked me what I wanted...”_

_Clarke paused. She wanted to be sure that Lexa was following her train of thoughts. The Commander quickly nodded, her brows furrowed but her eyes were intense and watchful and Clarke knew she was listening intently._

_“After you asked me what I wanted I said nothing. Because that was true: I wanted to save my friend and nothing more. At that time I couldn’t afford to want things, to think about the future, I couldn’t risk being hurt again and remain with nothing in my hand and more pain in my heart. I couldn’t bear it. Back then I didn’t have the privilege to want things. But now-”_

_Clarke raised her gaze and saw Lexa with her eyebrows still furrowed, trying to understand where she was going with her speech. She moved forward and she took Lexa’s left hand with her right one. The warm that it irradiated gave her the strength to stay with her head up._

_“But now, Lexa, things have changed, I have changed, and even though I’ve tried to stop wanting things I realized that sometimes risk being hurt is worth the thing you want; and this is the time.”_

_Clarke swallowed the lump that formed in her throat and looked straight into deep green eyes._

_“I want you Lexa. And I can’t continue living knowing that there is something I want within my grasp and I haven’t tried to reach it.”_

_Clarke released a long breath. She felt like a giant weight has been lifted from her shoulder. Now she just had to wait for Lexa’s reaction._

_Or move._

_Maybe just breath._

_If she didn’t feel Lexa’s heart beating under her fingers she would have thought she was dead. Lexa was as still as a tree and she wasn’t even blinking, her eyes wide but penetrating. After a minute of silence Clarke realized that maybe she was too late. It has been nine months after all._

_She slowly started pulling her hand away from Lexa’s, mumbling something about patients she had to go visit but suddenly Lexa tugged at it, bringing their bodies closer and clasping their lips together. Clarke stiffened at the sudden movement but she recovered quickly, moving her lips in synchrony with Lexa’s._

_The kiss was as soft as theirs first one. Both women memorizing how it felt to be with someone they connected so easily with, someone they trusted, someone who understood them and shared their same troubles._

_Lexa broke the kiss first, much to Clarke’s disappointment, but looking at her the blonde knew there was something bothering the Commander so she waited until Lexa gave voice to her thoughts._

_“Clarke are you sure? I don’t want you to do things you aren't sure of. I can live with what we have now. Even if it’s killing me inside I can live with it. Are you sure then? Because now I can survive but I won’t last if I lose you again. I know I can’t.”_

_Clarke stared at Lexa. Her eyes were so intense and full of sincerity, trust and another illegible emotion that she sensed the urgency to make Lexa believe her. To make her realize that she was the most serious she has ever been._

_“How long has it been? Since I first arrived in Polis?”_

_It was a rhetorical question that served just to introduce the next part but Clarke heard Lexa answer, words full of sincerity and that emotion that Clarke couldn’t figure out._

_“Five months and twenty-nine days.”_

_Before she continued Clarke stared disbelieved at Lexa for a few seconds._

_“During the months in the woods I made peace with myself and you. Here, then, I figured myself out and I came to the conclusion that I need you. I can survive without you Lexa, but I need you to live.”_

_While she was saying that Clarke remembered the conversation the two of them had had what seemed like centuries before. To make her point clearer she brought her left hand to cup Lexa’s sharp jaw._

_“So believe me when I say that I’m ready; that I want you; that I choose you, Lexa. I would choose you over and over again.”_

_Clarke closed the distance between them slowly, leaving just a centimeter between their faces._

_“ **Ai sad yu in seintaim, Klark kom Skaikru.”**_

_Lexa breathed on her parted lips and then she brought her right arm around her waist, closing the little space left between their mouths. Clarke smiled into the kiss because even if she wasn’t a pro in Trigedasleng she understood what the Commander had said._

_The smile however disappeared quickly when Lexa bit softly into her lower lip. She moved the tip of her tongue across Lexa’s bottom lip and when their tongues met neither of them knew who moaned first._

_Clarke switched off her brain, relieving in the mix of feeling that Lexa was bringing back on the surface from a once closed door of her healing heart that now was open again for the woman in front of her._

_Remembering what Lexa said earlier, a thought made its way across her brain. She tried to ignore it but she needed to ask so she started pulling back. With a groan Lexa retracted from the kiss._

_Smiling at the Commander reaction Clarke asked what has been spinning in her mind._

_“Why do you... How do you know how long has it been? Since I arrived in Polis?”_

_Lexa stared at her like she was deciding whether or not to answer but Clarke’s sincere curiosity must have shown on her face because Lexa tightened both her arms around her waist and smiled. The smile like the one she has worn for a second that day when they were hiding from the_ Pauna _. Only this time it lasted longer and mesmerized Clarke more than she already was._

_“I count because I need to believe that I’m not dreaming. Every day I wake up believing that it’s all a dream, that you are not here in Polis and above all that you haven’t forgiven me, so I count to make myself believe that you are really here, with me. That I can stay by your side and just enjoy your presence in my life.”_

_At this point Lexa’s green eyes were full again of that illegible emotion but Clarke was too concentrated on Lexa’s words to give it a second thought._

_“I count so that if one day you decide to leave I’ll know how many days I’ve had the pleasure to spend with you. I’ll know that after everything that happened it has all been real and that I was not dreaming, because I’ll have every day memorized in my mind.”_

_Clarke felt her heart falter a couple of beats and then it began to beat faster than before. She had almost forgotten that Lexa was capable to say such things and turn her world upside down. Almost._

_A deep warmth filled Clarke’s chest, a feeling she had ached to feel for a long time._

_She opened and closed her mouth many times but she found herself incapable to find the right words. The words to tell Lexa that she had no intention to go anywhere. That now that her life was starting becoming normal, even with the nightmares that still hunted her at night, she wanted to stay here, in Polis, with her._

_She was unable to say all of that so she just brought her arms around the Commander’s neck. She whispered “You can stop counting.” before kissing her with a new fervor, which Lexa responded fully._

The loud noise of a horn brought Clarke back to the present and she moved her gaze away from Lexa's. She saw that behind her there were the twelve leaders of the other clans.

Lexa left two weeks ago to solve problems in a village at east of Polis. At first her absence was due to only one week but the sixth day Titus received a message which said that the Commander’s absence was prolonged.

Now Clarke wondered why they were all reunited in Polis. She alternated questioning looks between Legoi and Kertes, who were at both sides the entrance of the infirmary’s building. 

**_“_ Heda ste gada in hiton kom heda gon thotin kru-de, Wanheda. Pas, em na tel oso op chit don kom au. _”_**

Legoi answered her silent question with a little smile on his lips. Clarke rolled her eyes at his antics.

About six months ago he decided that his main purpose was to teach **Wanheda** Trigedasleng so since then he had never spoken to her in English. The blonde was really grateful that Kertes was always keen to explain; even now, when she moved her gaze from the other guard, she translated.

 ** _“Heda_** is having a meeting with the leader of the twelve clans, **Wanheda**. Later, she will tell us what happened.”

*     *      *      *      * 

Clarke was getting impatient and bored. She had finished all the activities she could do to keep herself busy and at the infirmary there was nothing to do.

In the last twelve days she went hunting every morning and in the end she got herself enough meat for over two weeks, she cut bandages that would last two months for the entire infirmary and she finished her colors and papers where she usually drew.

One time the thought of go and find new ones had crossed her mind but she realized she had no idea how to find or even create them. When she was finishing colors or papers it was usually Lexa who gave her new ones. She made a note to ask as soon as she would see her where she could find them.

Thinking about Lexa made her look outside the window and down to Polis. The sun had started setting over the horizon. It has been nearly three hours since the leaders (Kane included) disappeared behind the council tent’s flaps and Clarke asked herself when she would have her time with Lexa after two long weeks.

She was waiting for her return watching the sun setting from her room, so deep in thoughts, that when hands settled on her shoulders she stilled at the contact and went instinctively for the dagger on her right hip. But when the scent of forest after the rain invaded her nose and two strong arms settled around her waist from behind she relaxed into Lexa’s warm embrace.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.” The Commander whispered placing her chin on Clarke’s left shoulder.

“I’ve missed you _._ ”  was Clarke only response.

She brought her arms on Lexa’s, intertwining theirs fingers as they stayed like that in silence, just reveling in each other’s warmth. After indefinite minutes Lexa began placing a series of languid kisses on the side of her neck, making Clarke close her eyes as she placed her head on the shoulder behind her.

“What happened?” she whispered, trying to not to disturb the mood of the moment.

“Mmhh… nothing important.” the Commander replied, giving no hint of any intention to stop her work on Clarke’s neck.

“Lexa… why are all the leaders here in Polis? Has something happened?”

“Nothing you have to worry about.”

The Commander spoke against her skin, making the words come out muffled and almost imperceptible.

Clarke’s eyes snapped open.

“Since when you decide what I have to worry about?” she asked with a quite irritated voice.

The blonde felt Lexa smile against her skin, the Commander probably amused by her attitude.

“Since I haven’t seen you in two weeks.”

With that any residual of Clarke’s frustration dissipated away. She started turning slowly in Lexa’s arms, missing instantly the warmth of her lips.

“Is that so?”

Clarke inquired with an amused voice. By this position she could take a good glance at Lexa. The Commander had the black war paint on but what clashed with her general strong appearance was that her eyes seemed tired and she looked drained of all the energy. Clarke guessed something important must have happened to spend Lexa so much, the Commander must have not slept a lot while she was in Tonepli. By a fraction of a second Clarke made her mission to make Lexa feel good and forget the last few days so she moved her mouth on the Commander throat.

Lexa tasted of sweat and the usual taste that was solely Lexa's. She also smelled of forest and herbs and Clarke finally let herself relax after too many stressful days.

 **“Sha** _._ ” Lexa answered, a bit breathless due to Clarke lips.

“So... what happened in Tonepli?”

The blonde had no intention to just drop the conversation.

“Clarke…” Lexa protested with an almost pleading tone.

Clarke was surprised. She usually had to work harder to make Lexa use that tone.

She moved her tongue all the way up from the base of the Commander’s neck to her earlobe, where she nipped.

“Lexa…” was her only word, spoken with such a low and raspy voice that she felt a shiver run down Lexa’s spine.  

Clarke felt, more than heard, Lexa taking a deep breath. She guessed the Commander was gathering her thoughts and Clarke knew that Lexa realized that if she stopped talking Clarke would stop too.

“I went to Tonepli because someone burnt all their food supplies.”

As soon as the Commander started talking Clarke resumed her work on Lexa’s neck. She felt the vibration of the words under her lips.

“The fifth night we were attached by a group of **Trikru**. That’s because I stayed longer than I had initially expected. We tried to keep prisoners but no one survived. The next day I got messages from some other cla-”

Clarke sucked strongly on her pulse point and a strangled moan replaced her words. The sound itself almost made Clarke lose all her resolve but fortunately (or unfortunately) she recovered in time, one second more and she would have brought Lexa in bed and made her stop talking, but she had no intention to make easy for Lexa to stay concentrated on speaking and she would accept the consequences of her actions.

“You were doing so well…” she murmured against her neck. Clarke felt Lexa bring her left hand in the braids at the back of her neck, bringing her mouth closer, and her left arm around her waist, bringing their bodies closer.

“After two days I got messages from other clans, all saying that they were attached by a group of **Trikru**.”

Lexa moved her head to the left, exposing more of her neck to Clarke’s kisses.

“I called those leaders in Tonepli but then the number of clans attacked grew bigger s-”

Clarke bit softly at the side of her neck and she felt Lexa hold back the moan that was trying to escape her lips.

“ **Beja Klark** …”

“What? Do you want me to stop?” Clarke asked innocently, grinning against warm skin.

“No, no.” She heard Lexa inhale deeply.

“So I decided to bring them all in Polis to discuss together. I've listened to what happened in all the villages but in the council we haven’t found any explanations for those actions yet.”

“What do you think?”

Clarke asked, pushing Lexa in the direction of the table in the center of her room without moving away her lips from the soft flesh under her mouth.

“I think they are all part of the same group: rebels against the New Coalition.”

When she heard Lexa hitting the table with her back Clarke decided that the time of talking had just finished

“ _I_ think,” she started, holding Lexa by her hips and making her sit on the table. Then she brought her lips up to the Commander’s hear, whispering softly.

“That we can think about it tomorrow. Don’t you agr-” she was abruptly interrupted by Lexa’s lips on hers.

It was their first kiss after two weeks and Clarke had no idea how she lasted so long without kissing Lexa. It felt like air was passing again in her lungs after an interminable time of apnea. Her senses were overstimulated: she felt everything and _everyone_ around her.

She smelled Lexa all around her, that unique scent of forest that had an incredible comforting power when a nightmare awaked her in a tormented sleep. She felt Lexa’s legs crossed around her waist, bringing their bodies impossibly closer, and her hands on both side of her own neck. She put her arms on Lexa’s back under her coat but she found her shirt so she brought her forearms underneath it.

She savored Lexa’s moans that were filling her mouth and a jolt crossed her body at the knowledge that she was the only one who had the possibility to see her like this. The only one who had the power to make Lexa easily come undone under her hands.

She whimpered when Lexa sucked on her tongue and a jolt of arousal made its way across her body again but she had to halt the kiss because she felt her irregular pulse in her ears and that definitely wasn't a good sign.

“Don’t leave again for so long.”

Clarke murmured with serious tone. It was a plea but also a request because saying that these two weeks had been problematic would be an understatement. Sleeping without Lexa beside her became increasingly difficult each passing night. The Commander presence gave her a sense of comfort that helped to fight the nightmares that still hunted her even over a year after the **Maun** and with half bed cold near her sleeping became hard if not nearly impossible.

That’s why she went hunting from dawn until noon during this last weeks, or why she spent all the afternoons in the infirmary instead of enjoy Polis and relax: she thought that if she wore herself out enough, at night she would be too tired even to have nightmares. But it was useless and every night, tired or not, she was awakened by horrible nightmares, sometimes by her own scream.

When she was awake she spent hours drawing whatever crossed her mind. Most of the times it was Lexa and her body; other times it was the forest outside the city; others it was a building in Polis or a random person she remembered from the day before.

She would draw until she couldn’t keep her eyes open and she would fall asleep with her face on the table.

“I can’t stand another two weeks without you. I need you Lexa. I need you to keep me safe.” She looked straight into sparkling green eyes, trying to pass her point.

“How long did you sleep?”

Still now she was amazed by Lexa’s empathy. She could have thought about everything but she quickly understood what Clarke really meant with her words.

“Not much.”

She answered honestly. There was no point to lie and if she did it was useless because Lexa had always been capable to see right through her, just as she was able to do with the Commander.

“Like five hours every night. There wasn’t a night without nightmares.”

Now that she had started she couldn’t stop, even if her voice was breaking slowly with every passing word.

“I thought I was doing better but without you it came all to the surface again. There wasn’t a night where I didn’t saw the hundredths of people I killed.”

She wasn’t aware of the tears that were scrolling down her face until Lexa brought her hands up on her cheeks and moved her thumbs to wipe them out.

“Where I didn’t see Maya and Jasper screaming at me. Wh- where I didn’t see all the people I killed in TonDC.”

“Clarke…”

She heard Lexa call her name but the words continued.

“Where I did- I didn’t see Anya or Raven or-”

 “Clarke **hod op**. Stop.”

Her monologue was interrupted by the Commander’s soft but strong voice. Lexa pulled Clarke’s head against her chest and held her closer, hugging her to offer a much needed comfort. Clarke squeezed her waist with her own arms and buried her head in the crock of Lexa's neck. She felt hands in her braids and she closed her eyes, inhaling deeply the scent that was only Lexa’s.

After a while she whispered “I’m sorry.” but she refused to move even an inch. In Lexa’s arms she felt safe and it seemed like all the problems of her life slipped away.

“There is no need to apologize Clarke.”

Clarke felt her hot breath against her hear. Then Lexa brought her hands up on her cheeks and moved Clarke’s face so that she could look right into her eyes.

“ _I_ am sorry. I'm _so_ sorry that you are still struggling with it. But you have to remember that I’m here Clarke. I’ll always be here for whatever you need. If you need someone to hold you, or someone to yell at or punch I’ll be here. Or a lover or a friend to talk with. Or someone who understands you. Because I understand you, Clarke. Don’t forget that. You are not alone. You don’t have to do this alone. I'm with you Clarke, I'm by your side through everything. Okay? I’ll never leave for so long again and if I ever need to, you will come with me.”

A warm feeling, warmer than any other ever felt, filled Clarke’s chest but she found herself at a loss of words. She had so many thoughts invading her mind, she wanted to say many things but none of them seemed able to leave her mouth.

_Thanks, I know, I need you, help me, I know, stay by my side, don’t leave me, thanks, I love you._

This last one paralyzed her. The realization so strong that air left her lungs in a rush and she lost her breath for a couple of seconds. She couldn’t concentrate on things that weren’t the Lexa’s lips on hers and she couldn't wait another moment to taste them.

She kissed Lexa with all the love and the adoration she felt for her and she received the same amount of passion. Soon the passion transformed in desire and Clarke felt she wasn’t close enough to the Commander. She started unbuttoning her coat as fast as she could, feeling Lexa doing the same with hers. Once open she threw the two offending pieces of clothing on the floor and fast she removed Lexa’s shirt and her own.

After a while Clarke had to break the kiss because she started to fell dizzy. It was the second time in ten minutes that she had to stop kissing Lexa due to her own stupid lungs and that eas not okay. She decided there and then that as soon as possible she would start training to hold her breath because it was always her who broke the kiss first and it was slightly annoying. Lexa seemed to have no problem while they kissed but Clarke could never afford to go past the minute, she just wasn’t able to hold her breath for so long.

“I have to train to hold my breath. Don’t you think? I’m always the first one to break the kisses.” She shared her thoughts with the Commander.

Lexa just smiled, shrugging her shoulders lightly.

“I’ll start tomorrow. And you will help me.” Clarke concluded.

The commander raised one eyebrow at her.

“What will I have to do to help you?”

“I’ve got a few ideas.”

The blonde smiled and heard Lexa whisper “I’m sure you have.” before she could close the gap between their lips again.

Clarke felt the commander suck on her bottom lip and she parted her lips, greeting with a sigh Lexa’s tongue in her mouth.

She bought her hands from Lexa’s hips to her back, feeling the warm skin and strong muscles clench under her palm. She moved her hands up, agonizingly slowly, drawing with her fingers the tattoo that adorned the Commander’s back, a tattoo that now she couldn’t see but was stuck in her memory forever.

She remembered the first time she saw it. It wasn’t long time ago because Lexa’s back wasn’t a part of her body that she has seen immediately but when she did she was totally… entranced. There weren’t other words to describe how she felt.

She had stared at it for minutes, just absorbing the image of Lexa’s back in general: the tensing of muscles under her skin, her strong shoulders and the tattoo that decorated all the length of her back. When she touched the black lines she swore she felt a spark flying between her fingers and Lexa’s skin and judging by the arching of the Commander’s back, Lexa had felt it too.

Now she enjoyed Lexa’s whimper that were filling her mouth and the shivers she felt running down her back. This time it was the Commander who moved away from the kiss first.

“How long has it been?”

Clarke didn’t need any further explanation to understand what she was referring to.

“Fifteen days and nine hours.”

Lexa’s eyes sparkled with what Clarke recognized as lust as she teased.

“Are you going to make up for the wasted time or not?”

Clarke’s entire body turned on with just that sentence. She breathed on the Commander’s lips “You can bet on it.” before kissing her with pure hunger, bringing her hands under the back of Lexa’s thighs. She held the Commander up, feeling her legs wrap around her waist more surely, and she moved towards the queen size bed in the corner of the room without stopping to kiss for even one millisecond the woman in her arms.

The blonde laid Lexa in the middle of the bed covered in furs and she climbed on top of her, making their bodies touch from chest to toes. She moved each forearm under the Commander’s shoulders to raise her chest, wanting to feel their skin touch more.

She felt her hands on her back, unhooking her bra and then Clarke felt palms move gently up and down, from her shoulders to her waist, then on her stomach and back again on her shoulders, repeating the process.

The softness of the movement made her shiver and that, mixed with the feeling of Lexa’s tongue against hers and the sensation of their skin touching again after two long weeks, took her breath away. Literally. She broke the kiss and she placed her forehead on the Commander’s, both painting heavily.

Clarke looked down at Lexa. War paint, pupils dilated with a ring of sparkling green around it, swollen lips and hair spread on the furs under her head: she looked wild and beautiful as ever. The same warm feeling as before filled her chest and before she could think, the words escaped her mouth.

“ **Ai hod yu in.** ”

She absolutely had no idea why it came out in Trigedasleng. Well maybe she had: probably her subconscious liked the strange, or maybe not so strange, idea of Lexa hearing her say these words for the first time in her own language, and not in English.

As soon as the confession filled the air Clarke was overwhelmed by it: it turned on every nerve of her body, she felt dizzy and the only thing in her mind was _Lexa_ and every conversation they had shared, every silent word she had whispered with soft kisses against her skin, every look and every emotional reunion, every encounter they have had since that day in the tent when she offered an alliance between the **Skaikru** and the **Trikru.**

 _Best decision ever,_ she thought.

She smiled down at the Commander and she watched as her eyes widened with disbelief.

“Clarke…”

Lexa’s trembling tone was silenced by a kiss.

Clarke wanted, needed, Lexa to believe her so she kissed the Commander with all the love and passion she reserved only for the woman lay under her.

Clarke saw Lexa open her eyes slowly and the look she was regarded with was so full of adoration and what only now she could afford to call love, that she couldn’t help herself from saying it again.

“ **Ai hod yu in, Leksa. Sou anch**.”

Lexa’s eyes sparkled with pure happiness as she smiled the smile that Clarke was getting used to see when they were alone but never failed to take her breath away.

“I love you too, Clarke.”

Clarke’s smile widened as she bent down to kiss Lexa with every emotion she had inside her: love, care, adoration, happiness, passion, gratitude and love again.

Both women opened their mouth at the same moment and the kiss soon became heated, all the emotions the two were feeling met in it.

Clarke’s hands weren’t enough to touch every single part of Lexa: her arms, her neck, her chest, her abs and her hips. She was becoming impatient and two hands weren’t enough.

For the fourth time she had to halt the kiss and she raised her head and torso, putting the weight on her forearms. She felt Lexa’s eyes roam over her naked front but she was too mesmerized by the figure beneath her to really acknowledge it.

She took her time to appreciate for the millionth time every single part of Lexa’s body. As a result of years of training the Commander was all made of solid muscles.

Clarke shifted down the body under her, putting her weight on one elbow as she traced in awe Lexa’s abs. She run her fingers over intricate tattoos and every time they came across a scar she bent down and kissed it, as if trying to delete the pain associated with the wound.

She wanted to worship Lexa's body. She wanted to show Lexa that she was perfect even with her scars. They were proof of the battles she she had won and they made her imperfectly flawless.

"You're magnificent." She murmured on the soft skin of her hip.

She heard Lexa's breath hitch.

She knew Lexa needed constant reassurances while in bed and she was more than happy to comply. She loved how sensitive Lexa was to her touch and how she couldn’t help reacting the way she reacted. Sometimes it was an itch oh breath, other a shudder, other a moan or some incomprensibile mumbled words.

But alway, _always, _did Lexa search her for more physical contact.__

So she anticipated Lexa's wishes and moved her own hand from Lexa’s stomach to the right, intertwining their fingers. She felt Lexa strongly squeezing them and then she felt her right hand moving from the sheets she was holding with white knuckles to rest on her own shoulder, where she alternated little massages between her shoulder blades and the back of her neck.

Clarke purred at the soft ministrations and she nearly melted on the spot but she caught herself just in time. She cleared her mind and went back again and the task in hand: making Lexa feel wonderful and relaxed and help her forgetting the last couple of weeks, putting momentarily aside her own needs.

She continued her path on Lexa’s body, kissing slowly all the way up to her sternum reaching her neck. Using her left hand to caress the skin she had just kissed.

She stayed there several minutes alternating kisses, strong sucks and tender bites. She felt Lexa slowly relaxing completely on the bed and when there wasn’t a centimeter that had not experienced her lips she moved her series of kisses on Lexa’s chin, then on the sharp jaw that she loved and on her cheek.

Clarke brought their faces on the same level. She stayed like that for a while, looking into Lexa’s green eyes that had never been more intense and full of love. Lexa locked her arms around her neck and she raised her face, making their mouths touch when she whispered.

 “ **Ai hod you in Klark.** ” and then she kissed Clarke with a new fervor, slowly but urgently and passionately but tenderly.

*     *      *      *      * 

Bent on her left elbow, head on her hand, Clarke was looking down at Lexa. For several minutes they had stayed in silence as the blonde traced absent-mindedly the lines that covered Lexa’s face with her fingers while a pair of relaxed green eyes followed her every move. She was still tracing lines when an idea popped in her mind; it was something she had always wanted to do but the occasion never occurred. She rushed out of the bed, careless of her naked body, and she searched in the room for two things.

The blonde returned under the warm furs with a bowl of hot water and a scrap of leather. Lexa eyed her and the things in her hands carefully, as if deciding whether or not to ask. She just smiled at her and asked.

“Close your eyes for me.”

The Commander raised her right eyebrow at her but the blonde insisted.

“Trust me. **Beja**.”

With that Clarke knew she had won even before the woman under her answered. She discovered months ago that Lexa had a soft spot for her speaking Trigedasleng so usually (if not always) she just had to say “Please” and she would win the battle.

With a last skeptical glace at her, which she responded with a small smile, the Commander closed her eyes.

Clarke immerged the scrap of leather in the water and she wringed it.

She whispered gently “Keep them closed.” and then she brought her right hand on Lexa’s left eye and slowly she started washing away the black paint. She watched as the Commander’s face became more peaceful and her jaw relaxed visibly.

She heard movements under the furs and then an arm emerged from under them. She understood Lexa’s intentions and guided her free hand to Lexa’s, intertwining their fingers. She felt the Commander squeeze her hand but when she expected the release the pressure stayed where it was. She was perplexed by Lexa’s action but after a bit, while she continued washing the other temple, it all clicked.

She realized that what she was doing wasn’t like all the other things she had done before: in this particular moment she was _taking care_ of Lexa. The simple action of wash the war paint away brought everything in a new level of intimacy, a level where they could see each other in new ways.

It wasn’t like they didn’t know each other, because they did. They knew each other better than everyone else on the Earth for the reason that they knew good and bad of the other, merits and flaws, and they loved each other also because of all of them.

In new ways because this was the moment they both realized that the other wouldn’t go anywhere. They allowed all the walls and masks to really fall down and they permitted the other to see their true, bare and simple self.

They allowed the other to take care of them.

This paint washing was Lexa totally exposing herself to Clarke, her walls truly down for the very first time showing vulnerability. This hand holding was Lexa silently asking Clarke to stay but it was also an anchor because for the first time in years she was letting herself go, she was being just and only Lexa, and she needed someone to secure her to the ground.

Clarke settled the bowl and the dirty scrap of leather on the floor near the bed, never letting go of Lexa’s fingers. Then she moved, hovering Lexa with her torso, and she brought her right hand on the side of her neck.

“Lexa…”

She saw Lexa open her eyes slowly and the sight she was greeted with surprised her: her eyes were wet with unfallen tears. It was the first time she saw them like this, so full of vulnerability and fear but also love and immense trust.

Clarke realized that, finally, she was witnessing the real Lexa. In that moment the Commander was really gone, she was seeing just a twenty-two years old who had been back and forth through hell too many times for one lifetime. A girl who constantly sacrificed her own personal wants for her people’s needs. A girl who has been eaten from the inside from decisions and duties for nineteen years. A girl who had felt alone for too long and desperately needed to be loved, even if she was never willing to admit it.

Something switched inside Clarke.

She put her hand on Lexa’s left cheek, caressing slowly with her thumb the warm skin she found there.

“I’ve got you Lexa. Okay? I’m not going anywhere.”

She kissed the girl under her tenderly, without deeper intentions, squeezing tightly the fingers still intertwined with hers.

She felt Lexa push on her shoulder with her free hand so she turned back with Lexa half on top of her, the furs fallen from her body.

They continued kissing for a while, sometimes Clarke broke the kiss to take air but never as much as she needed because she definitely preferred kissing the lips just inches away from hers.

At some point Lexa whispered against her lips “Clarke…” and that made her stop. She laid her head on the bed, waiting for Lexa to give a sequel to her thoughts.

When she spoke, it was with a tone of voice that Clarke couldn’t quite place because unknown to her.

“Clarke would you like to stay here in Polis?”

Clarke’s silence and face must have shown that she didn’t really understand what she meant because she continued.

“Would you like to live here... permanently? I mean… with me. In my quarters. As my lover. Together. Like… officially. So that everyone would know who my soul belongs to.”

She saw Lexa’s eyes full of hope and she couldn’t stop the giant smile that appeared on her face.

Clarke brought her arms around Lexa’s neck, bringing her down and kissing her full of happiness and hope for a bright future together. They still had a long way to go, _she_ still had a long way to go, but this was a start. A wonderful start.

Lexa broke the kiss and asked with an unsure tone.

“Clarke is this a-“

“Yes”

Clarke thought she had been clear with her answer but she understood why Lexa needed her to say it aloud.

“Yes Lexa. I want to live with you.”

“Permanently.” she added after a second.

Just to make herself clearer.

Lexa smiled like she had never done before and she said the words first with her eyes and then with her mouth.

 **“Ai hod yu in Klark. Sou, sou anch** ”

Then she lowered her head to close the distance between them. Clarke, however, brought her hands on both side of her neck to stop her. She couldn’t wait another second to say it again.

“I love you too Lexa.”

Then she allowed Lexa to kiss her for how long she liked.

Too soon, after just few minutes, or seconds, maybe hours (Clarke really had no idea), Lexa broke the kiss and shifted down.

With Lexa half on top of her, her face in the crook of her own neck, slow and warm breaths caressing it repeatedly, and her left leg over her owns, Clarke felt at _home_. She felt safe, peaceful, relaxed and loved.

She was happy.

She took the furs on the bed and used them to cover their naked bodies. Then she brought her left hand in Lexa’s braid and her right one up, caressing Lexa’s left arm. She felt a hand in the braids that were on her chest, moving in a slow and relaxing motion. She closed her eyes.

Clarke lay there, savoring the feeling of Lexa’s body against hers and relishing in the warmth of it.

Just when she was starting to drift into a peaceful sleep (thanks to the body pressed against hers) she heard Lexa whisper, loud enough for her to hear

“ **Mochof Klark, ain alf keryon**.”

She now was very grateful to Legoi for his lessons and she silently thanked him for his dumb, but now really useful, idea to teach her Trigedasleng.

_Thank you Clarke, my half soul_

**Author's Note:**

> THANK YOU to everyone who reached this point. I hope you liked my story.  
> If you have anything to ask or say and, most important, if you found some mistakes while reading, please leave a message and let me correct them. I really hope that with your help I will improve my English (for the sake of future stories).  
>   
> For Trigedasleng:
> 
> Ai sad yu in seintaim, Klark kom Skaikru = I choose you too, Clarke of the Skypeople  
>   
> Maun = mountain  
>   
> Sou anch = so much (This is not exactly correct because I couldn't find the Trigedasleng word for "much")
> 
> Other translations are all in the test and if you found something wrong please tell me that too! :)  
> Remember, Clexakru fam, that as long as we keep Lexa's memory with us, she is immortal. Seriusly, both her and Clarke and their EPIC love won't be forgotten because CLEXA IS OURS and no one else's. Remember that.
> 
> I love you all
> 
> Bye and thanks again :)


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